Date: 2008
Children: One newborn (“Ava”), one toddler (“Nora”)

Anyone who knows me KNOWS that I have my “bad mommy” moments. I think any woman who says she doesn’t have such moments is LYING. So I’m going to get all Catholic on your asses and “confess” my mommy sins to you (purely for your entertainment. How many of your girlfriends would do that, I ask you?)

I make no excuses for myself, except that I am human (despite what my logo implies). I have, in the past, done the following:

  • Forgotten to feed Nora dinner before sweeping her up to bed. Don’t worry, she’s been quick to remind me.
  • Parked both girls in front of the TV while I surf the internet. For several hours.
  • Hired a babysitter strictly so that I could get a manicure. And a pedicure. And shop a bit. And…
  • Convinced Nora that “pretending” to sleep on the bed is the funnest (damn you, spellcheck – “funnest” IS a word) game ever.
  • Waited until both girls were screaming to call my husband at work, just for pity points.
  • Told my husband I had a horrible day when, in fact, it wasn’t that bad.
  • Skipped several pages in a book while reading to Nora before bed, hoping she wouldn’t notice. She ALWAYS does.
  • Hidden a toy I despise and told Nora I didn’t know where it was.
  • Hidden Elmo DVDs from Nora and told her I didn’t know where they were. (I HATE Elmo, that little bitch. And I’m convinced Mr. Noodle is a pedophile.)
  • Not changed a poopie diaper for several hours because I just didn’t feel like it. Jebus, didn’t I JUST change someone’s diaper???
  • Worn earplugs to bed. What? They were crying? I didn’t hear a thing.
  • Had too much wine in the hopes that Ava would get some of it through nursing and sleep better. She never has.

That’s it for now (you greedy gluttons, you). I’m sure I’ll commit more and have to confess again in the near future, so don’t worry. The fun ain’t over yet.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *